Monday, February 9, 2009

Monday Struggles.

Today looks like this:

9-9:50AM Counseling
10AM-3:45PM Class
6:30-11PM Work
11:30PM-12:00AM Shower/eat
12:00AM-3AM Get high and do homework

All with this torrential cough that I can't seem to get rid of. I'm sure smoking doesn't help, but I just can't not smoke. I realized that today at my counseling session.

"I can't--don't want to quit smoking pot." I dunno why that has been so hard to say to therapists before but I'm finally saying it. Surprisingly, no ones calling the cops on me yet. As my therapist put it, pot is a 'diminishing return' and that it won't work forever. It's worked for 3 years now, will it stop? And if/when it does, what the fuck am I going to do to control my anxiety? I think therapy just stressed me out more. Or maybe it was my bullshit horoscope this morning.

"It's a no-win day, do your best and don't look back."

How fucking encouraging. I'm ready for that bowl now.

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