xanax.

I have that someone, and I am often too embarrased by my anxieties to not sprint for a Xanax (or two).

One day at a time I suppose. I need a nice toke.

Recession Depression.

Yesterday started out wonderful. I spilled my heart and it went pretty well, had some amazing sex, had a wonderful shower, and then...

I fucking got laid off.

Not only does this mean no more shopping or spending money or free coffee (bye bye lovely double tall breve cinnamon dolce latte's), but this means no more weed until I can afford it again. This is really devastating to me. I don't know how to handle life well without weed.

I kind of wanted to cry when my boss told me, but before it could really set in I took 2 Xanax. I went to lunch with the Italian and he even bought me a deep fried cupcake to cheer me up. I had him buy me a bottle of wine too and I self medicated for a bit. I fell asleep at some point after we killed the bottle and woke up at 7 p.m. feeling a whole lot better. I feel so lucky to have so many amazing people in my life.

Unfortunately, my Queen Bee is thinking it's time for her to make the move to England and start her life there. I can't say I blame her, if I had the money I definitely would too. It really makes me want to move to the UK for grad school though. I want to travel and escape this United States of America bullshit.

After catching up with the Bee and a few friends and smoking some near medicinal Colorado dro I went to an Ides of March party. It was all the Italian's friends but it went pretty well. Shots of Grey Goose all night long, haha. Win.

I think I need a nap. I'm feeling really weird today.

Want to regenerate some brain cells?

Eat healthy, exercise, love and... smoke pot?



Yup. During a lecture on revitalizing your life Dr. Dean Ornish suggest smoking pot. Gee, who would have though that being high and super chill and giggling could increase your brain power?

Crampy Cramp Cramp.

One of the times I always try to have weed handy is when I'm on my period. I never have any Tylenol or Advil and weed always makes me feel better. It's my every-ailment cure, from cramps to hangovers, I swear by it. Apparently so did Queen Victoria, and a bunch o other women in the 1800s.

Obviously, as I've been trying not to smoke, I don't have weed. And ugh, my ovaries are killin' me. I'm laying on the couch resisting the urge to run to the bathroom and cut my ovaries out with an Xacto knife. That bad. Seriously.

I've been cramping all day. I took a long walk from Mass Ave and Columbus to an old flame's place in Beacon Hill, it was a fucking gorgeous day in Boston. It was nice to see him, we smoked a j and he gave me my flask which he found in the depths of his freezer. I was so happy to see it! I thought it was long gone, I lose so much shit.



So here's to today, my flask, and the cocktease that is Spring. Cause today it was 60°F and tomorrow it's going to snow!

Spring Break Broke.

I hate saying bye to people. I know it's just for a little while, but I just hate the act of it, it's kind of awkward, sometimes somber, not at all excited feeling. I said bye to the two biggest people in my life right now, and at the same time, realized how big a part of my life they both are. Weird how different things are from last semester.

I got on the train back home super high and super nostalgic/complacent. I put on my "Oh, Life" playlist on the T ride home and was kind of overwhelmed by emotions. I kind of hated it, but I just let it happen. By Porter Square I was fine.

Anyways, after a nice morning saying farewell to the Italian I headed over to day bye to the Queen Bee. We booked a fucking tulip joint. Epic. Me, Bee, and two of our good friends rolled one and got so high. It was the one final hurrah before she had to book it to the UK. I'm still high. Ready for a bowl to keep the momentum up though.


I need couch time.

Fucking Fail.

Okay, so my Spring Break starts today at 4 p.m. I'm going to try not to smoke until my boyfriend gets back from London next Wednesday because I realllllly need to book it.

I just got ANOTHER C in my reporting class. I CANNOT be doing this bad. I also just realized I left my folder at home so I have NONE of my Copyediting worksheets or my book for that class. Ugh. So, to bring up my grades, I am going to (attempt to):

-Do the extra credit paper for my Media Law and Ethics class.
-Study for my Copyediting midterm
-Do 2 articles to replace my shitty one I just got a C on, and to make up the one I missed. (Maybe 3 even, or a video package.)

Why am I doing so horribly? I'm not smoking THAT much, I mean, on the daily of course, but ugh. I'm in an awful place right now. Surrounded by anxieties and depending on weed and Xanax to get me through. My therapist wants me to start journaling again. I'm going to try. While things are okay in life, I just can't seem to keep my anxieties in check. I had a panic attack yesterday, mostly because my roommates are making me miserable.

Yet here I am updating instead of paying attention in my Social Movements class. Awesome. What the fuck is my problem? Anyone else have these issues?

SNOWDAY!

I woke up this morning, got a little high to aid in the whole picking-out-clothes game, and booked it to grab a latte and get on the T and WTF I get to Park Street and find out SCHOOL IS CANCELLED. I get on a red line train back to Alewife. Ugh. Being high helped, I just rode it back and came home and did some work.

So on the upside, today was a snow day. Really, it was epic trying to get to school this morning and it's still snowing here and there. We've already gotten 10 inches. On top of 50 in. earlier in the season. This is RIDICULOUS. I had a great day though, met a friend for lunch, got my eyebrows done and smoke at the Queen Bee's.

However, nothing is better than being high and having a cup of tea. My favorite tea has a little stoner story behind it. See, I used to drink this tea when I was dating the Peruvian drug dealer about 6 months ago. I joke it's the one good thing I got from him (that and I got really good at rolling joints). Anyway, it's delicious and sweet and helps your breathing! Always good to combat the hazards of smoking with a little R&R.



Now, back to the bowl, baby.