The best thing that's ever happened to me.

I learned how to roll a tulip joint. And I have to show you. It's super easy, easier than a regular joint and will get you SUPER high. I've never smoked one by myself, and I imagine if I did I would immediately fall asleep/eat a whole pizza and fries and my kitchen and go into a coma. Try this at home, adults!



This tulip joint has been at the core of my laziness and sleepiness. We're off to Austin on Saturday! Hopefully I can blog on the road.

How to roll a joint.

Last week a commenter asked for a how-to on joint rolling. Well, I tried to make my own but realized 1) I'm not very good at rolling joints and 2) My voice sounds terrible on video when I'm high. So over the past few days I've been keeping an eye out for good tutorials on rolling a joint and I found one that appears to be from a Canadian version of SNL? I dunno. Any Canadian readers out there? Anyways, it's pretty hilarious and it seems to get the job done right. It takes a lot of practice. I sat in bed and rolled like 8 joints this morning, some people think it's easier to roll using a dollar bill around the paper to keep it in, but I tried both ways and didn't really see a difference.

How to Roll a Joint by Pierre Berton

In other news this Corpus weed is putting me to sleep. I get ridiculously tired and have been going to bed at like 12:30. Not to mention, I still feel like I'm on Boston time. These mosquitos are also annoyingly cramping my lifestyle because every time I go outside to smoke they attack me. Can I go back to Boston now please? Ugh.

Oh and yesterday was fucking awesome. Sandy and my cousin and I went to see Step Brothers at the ghetto theater yesterday. We had a blast! We each smoked our own joint on the way to the movie theater and then another one one the way back to my house to eat dinner and totally geeked out in like when we asked for 6 hot dogs and again in the theater when I was silently laughing and breathing weird and holding my hot dog weird. yeah. Amazing. I just thought it was 12:30, but realized it's 11:30. I'm going to take a nap. brb.

Fly like paper get high like planes.

My favorite place in the world to be high? (Besides curled up in my chaise lounge, reading a gook book...) The airport. For the last few years I've always gotten high before traveling and flying. People tell me I'm stupid with all the TSA regulations but I'm never holding, just high, so I don't see the harm in an extra-chill passenger.

I probably would have flipped the fuck out at the crazy check-in line if I hadn't have been high. I almost didn't make my flight. I constantly have to be conscious of my anxiety in places like airports with large congregations of people because it's really easy for me to become flustered or overwhelmed. I got through security with no problems despite the fact that I didn't have a plastic bag for my liquids, (but FYI if you're wearing door-knocker earrings they will set off the metal detector) and got on the plane and passed out for the whole first part of my flight. I'm in Philadelphia now, tired as fuck and just had a wonderful munchies session.

That's the other wonderful thing about the airport, SNACKS. My first stop was Chick-Fil-A, could you think of anything better? I ordered a chicken biscuit (It's still too early for lunch) and a medium lemonade. Nom, nom, nom. After that I strolled over to Sabarro and got a large caesar salad and I'm eyeing a Philadelphia pretzel from the cart across the way. Hopefully all this food will put me to sleep so I don't have to endure the next 5 hours sitting in that tiny plane. Maybe I'll watch The Wackness again on my laptop, I can't get enough of that movie for some reason.

Anyways, In about seven hours I'll be with my pot smoking family and my perma-baked Sandy sitting in the pool sipping on a Blue Moon, hopefully. Let's hope for the best shall we? I'm picking up an ounce as soon as I roll into the Dub C and this week I'm hoping to put together that joint-rolling tutorial (or at least find the best one out there), muse about having a stoner family, and my favorite things to do while stoned in the pool. Expect inside jokes, copious amounts of weed and hopefully lots of pictures.

OWWW.

I am an idiot.



I cut the top of my foot yesterday. It was a rather tragic incident. I was sitting on my bedroom floor, listening to records and scraping the resin out of my little glass bowl when all of a sudden, I must have scraped too hard because it fucking broke. It's still smokeable I think, because I broke the carb and the hole is still on the small side, but it's sad nonetheless. Anyways, I thought I had picked up all the glass and I put the resin into my other bowl, Coco Rose and start looking for a lighter. I roll over onto the tops of my feet to grab it and I feel the glass stick into the top of my foot. I had to pick it out and then it just started bleeding like a mother. I suck. But at least my feet are half-cute and my toe nails are a nice color (THNX CVS!).

Anyways, the moral of the story? Probably don't smoke resin, and if you're going to spend an hour scraping it out, be gentle with thin glass. I've been smoking resin cause I'm flat broke ($4.11 in my checking, $3 in cash, ballaaaa) and am just two days away from hopping on a plane and going to the underworld, so buying would be pointless. Smoking resin is probably really bad for you seeing as it's all tar basically, but it's 'double-brewed' as the bear called it last night, making it more potent and liable to put you right to sleep. I hadn't cleaned my pipe since I brought it back from Texas so I was able to scrape almost 4 bowls of resin from it. It's slightly gross and smells terrible but it gets the job done.



R.I.P. Little Glass Bonnaroo Baby Bowl. June 2008-August 2008. Little Glass Bonnaroo Baby Bowl was survived by a sister, Coco Rose, and of course, myself. She lived a short, but full life with the privilege of everything from schwag to dro. She will be missed.

Age and Smoking.

"Do you ever think you'll stop?"

I don't know. I know I'll stop when I don't want to smoke anymore. If I needed to, I would. I know older people who smoke and are getting along just fine it seems. Most people say definitely when they have kids. That would be their stopping point. Well, I don't ever want to give birth, but if I did adopt a child I'd probably have to get it this book: http://www.justaplant.com/. It's supposed to help you explain your marijuana use to your kids.

One of my cousins aunts was always walking around with her 'little cigarettes' high as a kite unbeknownst to me and just a few months ago a non-smoking friend of mine mistook the smell of marijuana for what her parents used to call their "sweet tobacco'. I think it's becoming more commonplace, and the older I get the more I realize how many smoking adults there are. I wish my mom smoked! It would be so cool to be high with her. I'd want to see her laugh, she has an awesome laugh.

18 more days until Corpus. Oh, sweet, cheap, weed. I can almost smell you. And I can definitely smell some of my hometown stoner favorites. Like Hurb's Burgers, Chick-fil-A, Whataburger and Agua Java. Mmmmm.

Mexican Sweat.

Growing up in south Texas we used to play a game we called "mexican sweat." Living in Massachusetts, northerners who play it, tend to call it "chicago-ing." I will never call it anything but mexican sweat. Basically, when you play, you just hold it in until the rotation comes back to you. It's actually, a lot harder than it sounds, especially if you're in a large rotation, but it can get you reallllly high.

First person to let it go and start coughing is deemed the pansy and made fun of. It's actually pretty fun. I used to love playing with my friends in the pool in my backyard in the middle of summer. I actually, kind of miss that, and miss Corpus right now. I'm sure that will change once I get there, but hopefully I can get and ounce and not really have to think about being there. My home town makes me really sad, it's just full of really weird cycles, it was so systematic and stagnant. And mostly I couldn't stand driving over that fucking bridge anymore.

When I was about 8 I think (I don't actually know how old I was because no one talks about it) my dad attempted suicide. He jumped off the Harbor Bridge in downtown Corpus Christi. Awesome. Lucky for the bastard, he's one of a handful of the large number of people who have attempted suicide on that bridge to survive. Still, as you can imagine, things were kinda rough and sad, and painful, wah wah. So I don't like Corpus. It's one big stressor in my life.

Count-down to Corpus starts now, only 19 more days. I can feel my back tensing up. But when I come back I get to start packing, and I get to start moving and my bee will move in, and it will be grand. And most importantly, school will start. So I can stop smoking all day and do something productive. I love school. I want to try to up my GPA so I can get on the Dean's List by next fall. I have a 3.4 now, I need to have a 3.7. I also want to get a boyfriend. I need to move on from old lovers.

I'm feeling vulnerable so I'm going to go, but, goodnight!

Who is wrong?

I remember the stillness of the road, the satisfying feeling from pulling through the drive thru, and never being able to take my sunglasses off. I love driving around my hometown smoking a joint and stopping at my favorite taco stand. Sandy and I have made countless trips to Chick-fil-A, Whataburger, Taco Bell, whatever. The best part is trying to order, haha.

Back during the summer before and after my senior year I used to smoke and drive a lot. Some people will say that it's completely wrong, and is just like driving drunk. However, I see nothing wrong with it, as it rarely impairs my ability to drive and studies have shown that while reaction time is slightly slower, perception and awareness are heightened. You can beat both sides of the issue to death, but I think it's really important to remember that drugs react differently with each and every person, and your experiences with smoking are most likely not the same as another's.

That said, if you're ever at Sonic, get the Stoner Special, Sandy and I created it one day after a hot, stoned afternoon, in my pool. The Stoner Special consists of:
-2 Tacos
-1 Route 44 Lemon Berry Slush
-medium chili cheese fries
-1 banana split with caramel all across the way!
-1 snack side order of popcorn chicken

Try it, seriously.